Guide back to apathy

Woodbeetle's Guide Back to Apathy:
1. When feeling unlovable, ugly and insignificant - call up a friend:
Literal lifelines are what they are during these times. They will remind you that you are allowed to wallow in your mudhole of self-pity but that you are still beautiful, worthy of proper love and one helluva catch that the miserable loser, whoever he is, allowed to get away.
2. When emotions threaten to drown your capacity for flippant apathy:
Put down the menthols, stop the hunger strike and take a swig of that Jack Daniels bottle next to you. Dying of malnutrition will not help you get back into the swing of things. Numbing the memory cells though, will help you live through a few more hours of undefinable pain.
3. When all else fails and your emotions refuse to disappear:
Allow yourself to be an attention whore. Give it an hour or two. You will soon tire of it - trust me. And with boredom comes apathy. Luv it!

Blooferlady's Guide To Apathy:
1. Vodka or coffee with the ladies. Gossiping about other people and mocking The System is the best distraction.
2. Soundtripping. *Note: This varies with your current state of mind. Blooferlady has found that Bob Marley is the ultimate cure to depression--DON'T ever listen to Sugarfree's Dramachine, Blooferlady shits you not. When je-je-jaded, Billie Holiday, Sitti Navarro, and Bessie Smith. When enraged, the noisier the better (recommended bands: Korn, Rage Against the Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers).
3. Follow old Eraserheads credo: Shake your head and walk away. *Addendum: Sometimes it's more effective if you scratch your head and blurt out "tanginang yan..." under your breath at the same time. Source: Don Vincent Celis.
4. Sleep and couch til next week.